Latrine lining and zinc slab
Camp
Tankering waterMan, why do mosquitos like me so much? I know why, because compared to everyone else here in Renk, I’m an easy target. I have thin, white skin, which makes taking blood from me easier than taking it from my fellow-human beings here, whose skin is toughened to the pesky things. Unfortunately for me, my body doesn’t like them…kinda reacts badly…(not that I’m known to scratch them or anything). So, at the moment, I have some nice mosquito wounds, which should scar nicely. I wish I could say I’m pleased to have these Sudan war-wounds, but I would be lying. They’re horrible. I’m just praying they heal before my brother’s wedding. Any advice on how to speed up the body’s healing process?
That was a nice introduction for you all. Sorry. So yeah, things out here in Renk are going along busily. Being the only NGO in Renk, we had to respond to the people who have been affected by the flooding here. Two camps have been established, with approximately 1,500 households in total. In the larger camp, we initially constructed 13 latrines, in about three days! It was hard work, but great to see good results in so little time. We also started tankering water in daily and a medical centre was set up. We also worked with World Vision and the World Food Programme (WFP), distributing IDP kits and food (not my remit though). All very exciting in a way, except for the fact that our own programme of water, latrines and sand filters (the day-to-day grind) still had to continue. Which it did, but to a lesser extent. It is impossible to do both 100%, despite all the hours we put in.
Another NGO, Medair, came in last week to help us with water (set up two emergency water treatment systems) and health/hygiene, which is great. It’s been really cool having other people to socialise with, talk to and learn from. It’s also a very small world, as a number of the people from Medair team, were also on the same Medair course as me in the July 2006. The last week has made me realise how unhappy I have been recently, not with the work necessarily (although it is hard), but socially, in the ex-pat team. I never imagined how hard it would be being the only European. I seem to continually make mistakes around the house – use the wrong water or wrong pans, or not clean/rinse the crockery well enough. It only makes me feel worse, ‘cause as a watsan person, I should be setting an example. I just feel like I don’t fit in. That people prefer it when I’m not around. But then if I choose to go somewhere for the evening, or be back late from work, I feel guilty because I’m not socialising with my team or helping with the cooking or doing things round the house. I just don’t feel like I’m me. Ordinarily, I’d be running around doing things for everyone, which I love doing, but instead I find myself not doing them ‘cause I’m scared I’m going to get it wrong. I just end up cutting myself off from the team, rather than spending time with them. That’s also because I feel I’m not liked by everyone, which creates tension. Oh the joys of team life! It’s not all doom and gloom though. I just tend to ignore it and pretend nothing is wrong. That’s my approach anyway. Any advice much appreciated….answers on a postcard…on second thoughts; an e-mail will be much quicker!
Spending time with the Medair guys has been great. They’re lovely people. And I have thought, maybe I should have gone out with Medair when they asked me. Maybe I’d be having a better and more fun time. If only I hadn’t been so proud in wanting to work for Tearfund, because it always seemed like THE Christian NGO to work for as far as I was concerned. I pray God forgives my pride and arrogance. Maybe that’s why I’m finding this year so hard. I know that God is teaching me many things though, spiritually and technically. Patience is the big lesson I’m having to learn. To let people come and interrupt you all day with their problems is tough. Especially when they don’t come to you with any solutions, I just get, “You know, Rebekah, there is a problem….” You have to laugh sometimes, otherwise you’d cry with frustration. Slowly I’m learning not to fly off the handle, but for someone with a quick temper (which my family knows only too well), it’s pretty hard. Anyway, having agreed to do another year here, I should increase my patience skills….hopefully – a prayer point for you all J
And then there was my appraisal (yes, NGOs have an appraisal system!). I was so SO scared! I know I haven’t performed my best this year. We’ve had to implement everything in six months, and I’ve had to learn about latrine construction, and hafirs and sand filters…. I will be the first to admit things have gone wrong and taken too long. And of course, I still constantly compare myself to other people and think that I’m rubbish, and everything I do is not good enough. I was pleasantly surprised though, I was told that I am good with the community, a generally nice person (what is ‘nice’ anyway? Such a non-descript word). Anyway, I’m nice, and apparently the national staff in the office like me, I work hard (although what I actually present as outputs for my hard work has to be questioned), and fit it. It was the last one that surprised me most. Fit in!?? My feelings are that I definitely don’t fit in, but that I cause tension. With the national staff in the office, yes I would say I fit in. With the other ex-pats, I would say no. But, apparantly I fit in! I’m still mulling this over in my head as to why he said that. I just know I don’t fit in. To me, this is what makes me unhappy. To come home from work and not be able to relax because I’m always scared I’m doing something wrong. But now I have started thinking that it’s me. I’m the problem, no one else. I’m the one causing the tension. Maybe I should be the one to leave. And at one point this week I nearly got to that stage. I have no friends here really. I prefer spending time with the national staff. That’s probably the hardest thing, and to me, working in a team has always been a cool thing! I hate being by myself, so working in a team and hanging out with other people is great. Being in Sudan has taught me that it’s not that easy. Rebekah Rice is not always going to be liked by everyone – no matter how hard she tries. You guys know how much I hate not being liked!
Anyway, there’s so much work here to keep me busy and out of mischief, that I can kind of ignore it. But at the back of my mind it’s always there. I really feel for the other guys I live with. Do I make them feel as uncomfortable as I feel? If I do, then that’s really bad. The only thing I can do is leave, but I refuse to give up that easily. Team life is not going to be easy, especially living and working with the same people 24-7, and I’ve got a more patient spirit to master and other character traits God needs to teach me. So we’ll see how the next six months go.
Man! Realised I've moaned lots! So sorry. Ignore me. Gonna stop writing these silly blog things! :o)
I am looking forward to coming home though…not long now! Miss you all back home so very much. Thank you so much for all your messages, e-mails and everything. Means so much to me! Sorry I don't always reply back.
